Pet Hates (I love animals)

Seriously, this is just an abbreviated rant about stuff I hate.

Car air fresheners. That sh*t gets all over your hair, your face, decolletage (or chest hair) and clothing. Throw out the fast food packets from the back seat. If your car is clean then what's the air freshener freshening? And if you car is dirty, clean it.

Fragranced loo paper. It's all going the same place. There's no more to be said about that.

Fragranced kitty litter. If your cat's litter box smells then it needs to be cleaned. If you need crystals that smell of forest flowers then your cat has serious digestive problems & you ought to consider taking him/her to a vet. Alternatively you're not changing the litter often enough.

Pesticides, herbicides. Name me one other word that ends in "cide" that you consider to be a good thing. Then invest $2 in a fly swat.

Fragranced panty liners. The person who invented these hates women. Who exactly is sniffing your crotch? And I really don't want to know why.

Smells funny

Ok.

So, I didn't want to have to say this straight out, but I don't know how to keep skirting around the issue so I'm just going to come out with it.

Your hair man. Seriously. It smells like fruit. I mean, it really smells like fruit. Apples in fact. Your hair smells like apples that have been peeled, and then someone put the apple peels on your head. I don't know about you, but I find that really kind of weird. Fruit. On your head. I'm just saying.

And the lemon clothes? What's with that? What are you - some kind of walking fruit salad? Your clothes. Yeah. They smell like lemons. Don't tell me you didn't notice. Sniff them. Go on. What did I tell you? Apples & now lemons.

Well then, there's only one thing left to say. I used the loo after you, and man, you better see a doctor 'cause I think you just shat a rainforest.

Covered in chemicals

One day people will look back at our time & wonder what on earth we were thinking using such toxic chemicals on our bodies & in our homes, much the same as we look back today & wonder what on earth brought people to using lead face powder.

The Romans knew about lead's effects. Didn't stop them using it. Nor did it deter the Europeans in the Middle Ages, Renaissance Italians or the Elizabethan English. Seems we're not all that quick on the uptake.

Here, today, in the name of cleanliness/vanity we scrub our skins with soaps containing known carcinogens, irritants & endocrine (hormone) disruptors. We put aluminium under our arms where the skin is at it's thinnest, and where it can be absorbed the most readily. Of course we stopped cooking with aluminium years ago - Alzheimers - or did you forget? :o)

We pour potions over our bodies, moisturisers, ointments, perfumes. Our scalp - not too far from our precious brain, is often daily scrubbed with these chemicals & then sprayed, gelled or fudged (Are you are going to eat that fudge? I wouldn't recommend it).

That's not enough of course, we also need to spray & perfume our house - not just for vanity of course, but we don't want any bugs about, so bring out the pesticides & spray them, lay them or sprinkle liberally. After all it's only for pests. Do you know what a flea feels like after a dose? I do. I'm guessing it's the same for the flies and all of the other creepies, crawlies, wrigglies & flappies.

I actually do know what this feels like. Balance goes out the window & confusion reigns supreme. Walk in a straight line? Forget it, not going to happen. Who am I where am I why do I feel so odd? Why do my hands shake? Why does my body feel so surreal?

I won't even begin on what the other chemicals are doing to me. We've cocooned ourselves in formaldehyde, we've created illnesses in children we design pills to treat. Try me on RED. I'll be the same as any ADHD kindergartener. Is this a pysch diagnosis? Maybe. That's what they taught at uni. No-one mentioned RED or YELLOW or BLUE.

We're eating it, drinking it, draped in it, consuming it, absorbing it, breathing it. Right now.