Pet Hates (I love animals)

Seriously, this is just an abbreviated rant about stuff I hate.

Car air fresheners. That sh*t gets all over your hair, your face, decolletage (or chest hair) and clothing. Throw out the fast food packets from the back seat. If your car is clean then what's the air freshener freshening? And if you car is dirty, clean it.

Fragranced loo paper. It's all going the same place. There's no more to be said about that.

Fragranced kitty litter. If your cat's litter box smells then it needs to be cleaned. If you need crystals that smell of forest flowers then your cat has serious digestive problems & you ought to consider taking him/her to a vet. Alternatively you're not changing the litter often enough.

Pesticides, herbicides. Name me one other word that ends in "cide" that you consider to be a good thing. Then invest $2 in a fly swat.

Fragranced panty liners. The person who invented these hates women. Who exactly is sniffing your crotch? And I really don't want to know why.

Smells funny

Ok.

So, I didn't want to have to say this straight out, but I don't know how to keep skirting around the issue so I'm just going to come out with it.

Your hair man. Seriously. It smells like fruit. I mean, it really smells like fruit. Apples in fact. Your hair smells like apples that have been peeled, and then someone put the apple peels on your head. I don't know about you, but I find that really kind of weird. Fruit. On your head. I'm just saying.

And the lemon clothes? What's with that? What are you - some kind of walking fruit salad? Your clothes. Yeah. They smell like lemons. Don't tell me you didn't notice. Sniff them. Go on. What did I tell you? Apples & now lemons.

Well then, there's only one thing left to say. I used the loo after you, and man, you better see a doctor 'cause I think you just shat a rainforest.