Luke, I am your father...

Well it makes the noises...

I've had to get one of these to try & get myself through airports & on flights in the future (and anywhere else chemical dangers lurk). I know, it's a stunning piece isn't it. Just screams "accessorize!"

Of course the irony is that the gas mask is currently offgassing before I can actually wear it.

I did try it on for size yesterday. My cat was frightened of me. It took a while to convince him that no, nothing was trying to eat his mummy's face off. And yes, I had to say "Luke, I am your father". Not sure how that will go down at airport security though...

To be honest I really doubt anyone will even notice once I've got it on. They'll be like "Have you had your eyes done?" "Oh no, that's just my new gas mask. Fabulous isn't it?"

Pet Hates (I love animals)

Seriously, this is just an abbreviated rant about stuff I hate.

Car air fresheners. That sh*t gets all over your hair, your face, decolletage (or chest hair) and clothing. Throw out the fast food packets from the back seat. If your car is clean then what's the air freshener freshening? And if you car is dirty, clean it.

Fragranced loo paper. It's all going the same place. There's no more to be said about that.

Fragranced kitty litter. If your cat's litter box smells then it needs to be cleaned. If you need crystals that smell of forest flowers then your cat has serious digestive problems & you ought to consider taking him/her to a vet. Alternatively you're not changing the litter often enough.

Pesticides, herbicides. Name me one other word that ends in "cide" that you consider to be a good thing. Then invest $2 in a fly swat.

Fragranced panty liners. The person who invented these hates women. Who exactly is sniffing your crotch? And I really don't want to know why.

DIY pampering

Last time I went to a beauty salon (about 4 years ago) I ended up with an awful rash over my legs from the hot wax. The thing was I'd had the same reaction but worse the time before, and apparently so had the beauty therapist & several other of her clients. And yet there I was, back again.

Those of us with chemical sensitivity might not be able to get to the "beauty" salon but there's no reason we can't look hot as a meat pie that's been sitting in a pie warmer for 5 hours. We're still human, even if we're mostly the indoor, hermit type of human. And we all know beauty is on the inside (like guts & other important bits).

Meanwhile for when I get a bit vain, here are my favourites for do it yourself pampering:

Skin brushing/dry body brushing. I use a wood handled brush with cactus bristles from the Body Shop. Never thought I'd be caught doing that but it's really nice. And I reckon it definitely, definitely counts towards my daily exercise quota.

Bath with magnesium/epsom salts. Eases aches & pains. Not too hot as the heat can be energy sapping but just comfy & warm.

Mini pedicure. A pumice stone is brilliant for this, especially the rough areas such as heels. Trimmed & filed nails & I'm set. If I'm really lucky, someone else will do it for me :o)

Might not be able to manage a wax but I still have my tweezers for the eyebrows & in one of my bottom drawers is an epilator. Yes, they're exactly as scary as they sound, but you get used to them (sort of).

My absolute fave is the meditation, which I do loads off, mostly because I can't do loads of anything else, but also because it leaves me feeling sublime.

I do still have to skip the lipstick & I have to pop on a stunning little carbon filter face mask before I go out the door (usually to go about as far as a doctor's appointment). But beauty is a state of mind, and some days I am gorgeous as any magazine model! Or at least that meat pie in the pie warmer.

Smells funny

Ok.

So, I didn't want to have to say this straight out, but I don't know how to keep skirting around the issue so I'm just going to come out with it.

Your hair man. Seriously. It smells like fruit. I mean, it really smells like fruit. Apples in fact. Your hair smells like apples that have been peeled, and then someone put the apple peels on your head. I don't know about you, but I find that really kind of weird. Fruit. On your head. I'm just saying.

And the lemon clothes? What's with that? What are you - some kind of walking fruit salad? Your clothes. Yeah. They smell like lemons. Don't tell me you didn't notice. Sniff them. Go on. What did I tell you? Apples & now lemons.

Well then, there's only one thing left to say. I used the loo after you, and man, you better see a doctor 'cause I think you just shat a rainforest.

Guidelines for hospitals

Dear...

Thank you for your correspondence dated 8 August 2010 in relation to Multiple Chemical Sensitivities Guidelines for hospitals and for providing information on the recently published South Australian Multiple Chemical Sensitivities Guidelines for hospitals.

I am pleased to advise that the Department of Health will liaise with the South Australian health department for permission to use these guidelines and subsequently disseminate them widely to all our public health service providers.

Yours sincerely,
Hon Daniel Andrews MP
Minister for Health

Holiday Shopping

I've just been doing my shopping for Christmas (and yes, you're all getting what you got last year ;o), and watching my cat run around as though he has a flea, although I can assure you he does not, he just likes to think he does sometimes...likes to pretend he's a "Big Boy".

Buying gifts for someone who has chemical sensitivity is a bit like trying to find Richard Branson the perfect gift. Obviously toiletries are out (see the previous post). Foods are also highly awkward, chocolates and wine...tummy aches written all over them. Anything made of plastic, vinyl, synthetic is right out. And flowers - well they are a problem too as not only are they likely to have been well treated with pesticides but they contain their own chemicals which can trigger nasty reactions (ask me about gladioli - actually don't).

Books seem a good idea - and many people with sensitivity can manage a book. I can't as the inks & other chemicals cause me problems...audio books on the other hand have no such issue. DVDs can be ok as well, though they take a lot of cognitive energy & not everyone with chemical sensitivity can manage the concentration of a whole movie.

Here, we like things such as photographs or video (of you - rather than just of some random strangers).

Donations to charities are always fantastic:
http://www.aessra.org
http://www.mecfs-vic.org.au
http://www.anzmes.org.nz

You can also do what we often do & give people goats, ducks or chickens through agencies such as World Vision, Save the Children, Amnesty - whichever cause best suits your own beliefs & desires to make a difference in the world. It puts a smile on the face of the person receiving any gift such as this.

Vouchers for books, music (real or digital) are a good couple of options. Always usable.

In our home we are signed up to "The Cult of Less" - not as bad as it sounds :o) - we are cultivating having less "stuff" in our home. The stuff we do have we try to hang on to only the very practical. It's not that we don't like "stuff" - we do. It's just easier to dust this way & so many things are available digitally. Once I can convince my husband that he can use an eReader instead of having so many books I think we'll see a big reduction!

And if you're really into stuff then I guess just make sure it's organic, unbleached, recycled, whatever you like (sounds a bit like our toilet paper hmmm...Mum, I just had a brilliant idea for a gift for you :o).

Best of all you can send your love. 'Cause that's all we really need here.

And if you're buying for Richard Branson, skip the cufflinks this year, I'll bet what he'd really love is a toilet or a tap for drinking water (in a country where there's a scarcity of either).

If you have any other brilliant ideas on "gifts for the chemically challenged" post them here!

I love you just the way you smell

I love you just the way you smell. Please don't add perfume to anything. You aren't any cleaner for being perfumed...in fact I might start wondering what you're trying to hide :o).

Change your laundry detergent. Next time you visit the super pick out a "sensitive" version. If you use Persil choose "Persil Sensitive". If you use Omo use "Omo Sensitive". Another good one is Planet Ark's Aware - Sensitive version of course. Seriously, it will make all the difference to me. Maybe the difference between whether I can have you visit or not.

Shampoo and Conditioner (and bodywash/soap etc). Look for ones that say "fragrance free". Skip the ones that say "organic ingredients" (some of the ingredients are, some aren't - lucky dip). And to be honest, skip the Redken, Sunsilk, Pantene, whatever & get something lovely for yourself like Al'chemy Very Gentle Unscented Shampoo & Conditioner. It's beautiful stuff. If you must use fragranced products please don't wash your hair just before you come over. Give it a day or two to "offgass". It needs it.

Deodorant. This is going to sound gross, but you don't need it. I prefer the smell of B.O. to the smell of Lynx or Impulse (and if you ask you'll find most people hate those). Please, please don't buy spray on deodorants. Ever. They are the worst. I understand if you can't give up deodorant, but look for a roll on or stick, maybe a hypoallergenic or "Mitchum Unscented".

Have a quick glance over the ingredients in your products - particularly the ones I've just mentioned. If they say "fragrance", whether it's "natural" or other, please don't use it around or near me.