Last night I commented to my beloved that I was bitter & twisted.
"Like a chocolate pretzel!" he said.
Yeah, just like a chocolate pretzel.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Friday, August 16, 2013
The Cooper Diaries
It was a sunny day this morning & I wanted to go outside so I miaowed until mummy got dressed & got my lead. When we went out the door mummy smelled "Spring" & went to look at some jonquils in the lower garden. I went to go down the steps too but mummy said I wasn't allowed so instead I ate some grass.
I ate a lot of grass & then I rolled on the concrete in the sunshine & then I sicked up the grass. Yuck. Then I walked along the side of the house - here is a picture of me walking along the side of the house.
When I got to the front of the house a Big Bird flew over & landed in the tree lucerne. I definitely thought about stalking it but it was pretty big & I got distracted.
I was going to eat more grass but mummy said "no more grass". Then mummy noticed there were fresh sheep turds on the grass, but not until after she stepped in one. Then we had to go back inside so that mummy could clean the sheep poo off her slipper.
I ate a lot of grass & then I rolled on the concrete in the sunshine & then I sicked up the grass. Yuck. Then I walked along the side of the house - here is a picture of me walking along the side of the house.
When I got to the front of the house a Big Bird flew over & landed in the tree lucerne. I definitely thought about stalking it but it was pretty big & I got distracted.
I was going to eat more grass but mummy said "no more grass". Then mummy noticed there were fresh sheep turds on the grass, but not until after she stepped in one. Then we had to go back inside so that mummy could clean the sheep poo off her slipper.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Zombies
Zombies are real and here's the lowdown: I've just realised what they actually are and I'm going to share it with you right now.
Your average zombie is "undead". It lurches toward you at night time, calling "brains, braaains", and leering.
My theory is this: Zombies are just the chronically ill ("undead" definitely means "alive", but suggests an impairment of some sort) looking for someone with "brains" to help cure their condition, and that they need walking sticks (remember the lurching - it's actually a mobility issue). The leering I'm not sure about. Could be myopia...just a guess.
Zombies are the people suffering chronic illnessness who doctors are so far unable to help - that's why their call is "brains, braaains!". It's not that they want to eat brains (that's just something they put in the movies to scare small children & stupid people). They're just looking for people with good brains to get together & figure out what is wrong with them. Or better yet, how to make it right.
In my case for example - I have a chronic pain syndrome. Now any kiddie can tell you that something has to happen before you get pain. Like getting stung by a bee (not a bumblebee, their sting is surprisingly not painful), or stuck with a pin.
Alright, so I understand neuroplasticity - doesn't everyone? - so I get the pain signals are just going around in an endless loop because that's what my neurons have learned to do. I know, it's my fault for creating super pain generating neurons by training them over years, decades even.
Nonetheless where are the brains that are going to help fix this problem I've created?
So today I'm outing myself. I'm a zombie. And zombies are all around you. For every illness that has no cure - every sufferer is a zombie. "Brains, Braaaains!"
Now I'm not saying that if you do see one of the undead lurching toward you gruesomely, leering & calling "brains!" that you shouldn't pick up your bag & move calmly toward your nearest exit, but do just check before you go that it's not just some poor soul looking for an awesome doctor. After all, we're all "undead". I mean, that's just "alive", right?
Your average zombie is "undead". It lurches toward you at night time, calling "brains, braaains", and leering.
My theory is this: Zombies are just the chronically ill ("undead" definitely means "alive", but suggests an impairment of some sort) looking for someone with "brains" to help cure their condition, and that they need walking sticks (remember the lurching - it's actually a mobility issue). The leering I'm not sure about. Could be myopia...just a guess.
Zombies are the people suffering chronic illnessness who doctors are so far unable to help - that's why their call is "brains, braaains!". It's not that they want to eat brains (that's just something they put in the movies to scare small children & stupid people). They're just looking for people with good brains to get together & figure out what is wrong with them. Or better yet, how to make it right.
In my case for example - I have a chronic pain syndrome. Now any kiddie can tell you that something has to happen before you get pain. Like getting stung by a bee (not a bumblebee, their sting is surprisingly not painful), or stuck with a pin.
Alright, so I understand neuroplasticity - doesn't everyone? - so I get the pain signals are just going around in an endless loop because that's what my neurons have learned to do. I know, it's my fault for creating super pain generating neurons by training them over years, decades even.
Nonetheless where are the brains that are going to help fix this problem I've created?
So today I'm outing myself. I'm a zombie. And zombies are all around you. For every illness that has no cure - every sufferer is a zombie. "Brains, Braaaains!"
Now I'm not saying that if you do see one of the undead lurching toward you gruesomely, leering & calling "brains!" that you shouldn't pick up your bag & move calmly toward your nearest exit, but do just check before you go that it's not just some poor soul looking for an awesome doctor. After all, we're all "undead". I mean, that's just "alive", right?
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