Zombies

Zombies are real and here's the lowdown: I've just realised what they actually are and I'm going to share it with you right now.

Your average zombie is "undead". It lurches toward you at night time, calling "brains, braaains", and leering.

My theory is this: Zombies are just the chronically ill ("undead" definitely means "alive", but suggests an impairment of some sort) looking for someone with "brains" to help cure their condition, and that they need walking sticks (remember the lurching - it's actually a mobility issue). The leering I'm not sure about. Could be myopia...just a guess.

Zombies are the people suffering chronic illnessness who doctors are so far unable to help - that's why their call is "brains, braaains!". It's not that they want to eat brains (that's just something they put in the movies to scare small children & stupid people). They're just looking for people with good brains to get together & figure out what is wrong with them. Or better yet, how to make it right.

In my case for example - I have a chronic pain syndrome. Now any kiddie can tell you that something has to happen before you get pain. Like getting stung by a bee (not a bumblebee, their sting is surprisingly not painful), or stuck with a pin.

Alright, so I understand neuroplasticity - doesn't everyone? - so I get the pain signals are just going around in an endless loop because that's what my neurons have learned to do. I know, it's my fault for creating super pain generating neurons by training them over years, decades even.

Nonetheless where are the brains that are going to help fix this problem I've created?

So today I'm outing myself. I'm a zombie. And zombies are all around you. For every illness that has no cure - every sufferer is a zombie. "Brains, Braaaains!"

Now I'm not saying that if you do see one of the undead lurching toward you gruesomely, leering & calling "brains!" that you shouldn't pick up your bag & move calmly toward your nearest exit, but do just check before you go that it's not just some poor soul looking for an awesome doctor. After all, we're all "undead". I mean, that's just "alive", right?